Each person should judge his own actions and not compare himself with others. Then he can be proud for what he himself has done. Galatians 6:4

Sunday, May 03, 2009


I have to keep looking up.. and hopefully I will catch my opportunity when God says it's the right time.

I realize that I haven't blogged for almost a MONTH... and today as I was cruising web-sites and other blogs.. I realized that I've been missing a lot of the blogs that I normally read... really missing them... !!
As most of you know I really try to keep my blog positive... but this past month I haven't felt that way at all.. it seems like one thing after another my heart has fallen into a deep black hole...
I set my eyes on a goal 6 months ago that I thought the Lord really really wanted me to follow... I got excited.. and not once did I ever DOUBT that I wouldn't make it... Until a couple weeks ago my reality was shattered and I didn't accomplish what I thought the Lord wanted me to do.. so I spent some time in anger and sadness and wondering WHY??? Yeah.. I was a plain brat.. and wallowing in my own self pity... I still hurt.. but I'm taking my time and slowly picking myself back up and wiping my pride off of my hurt....

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.


I take this little bit of scripture and daily remind myself... that if you want to make God laugh.. tell Him YOUR plans.. and that's exactly what I did. Part of me truly thought they were HIS.. and they just might be.. but I was rushing something solely based on MY timing. I have NO doubt that God wants me to become something different.. but I KNOW in my heart and mind that I was rushing it because society was telling ME that I wasn't good enough at where I am today. My heart was PROUD.. but not in the PROUD that the Lord calls good.. but almost evil. It's taken a VERY VERY HARD FALL for me to realize this.. it doesn't mean my heart won't become prideful again.. but I will NOT take this kind of situation for granted again...
I acted like I was "owed" this opportunity... and I just might be... BUT.. I will get that opportunity when the Lord opens that door.. and hopefully.. prayerfully .. this time I will KNOW that it's the right time...

So this past month.. I acted like a spoiled brat... and I didn't want to come here and display that to you all.. YES.. I wanted people to feel BAD for me... but then again.. I was deathly sick of hearing... "I'll pray".. "God will let you know".. you see I KNOW all of this...but I wanted more.. and still do... BUT... now I have to sit quietly and wait...

I am happy to say that during this time I got a lot of reading done!! YAY!! And did a small amount of photography.. this being one of the Lily I bought at Easter time!

Hopefully I will come here more and post.. and to read more... I enjoy blogs..and because of my "tantrum".. I neglected myself in reading them...
Today is my 300th post... I hope to continue adding more!! and keeping it positive!!

12 comments:

Susanne said...

Wow, great pic! I had fun taking pics of the lily, but I don't think a one of mine turned out so beautifully of this one that you took. You are good, Girl!

Hang in there. I'm not going to say anything pat and easy because it never is. Just know I hear ya and can totally relate! I've been doing a bit of pouting myself this past couple of weeks.

Kerry McKibbins said...

All I can say is that I feel for you and I'm sending you some happy thoughts. Signed a fellow tantrum thrower :-)

Mere said...

{{HUGS}} I'll keep reading!! Love ya!

Love, Mere

Sandy said...

((HUGS))
Happy thoughts and warm wishes are sent your way.

cajunquilter said...

what a lovely flower. great picture!

and HAPPY 300th!!!!

Glad you decided to blog again.

Krystyn said...

First, great picture.

And, second...come and tantrum. I think we can all use whatever support we can get.

I love the line about making God laugh. I try to remind myself of that all the time. Easier said than done, right?

I wish sometimes God would just yell!

Carrie said...

Glad you are back! I love the picture.

glitzen said...

Your pic is fantastic!! I am learning my new camera right now, and have big plans for summer pics. Yippee!
Sure glad to see you on here again, and for keeping it honest and nitty gritty real. I am so bad about humility, and letting others see my failings, you are strong to open up and tell what you are going through.

Cris said...

Sorry to hear that things haven't been going well. But I think that a lot of people could learn from the wisdom you have gained from this. I know it was a great reminder for me because too many times I have tried to take matters into my own hands only to fail and wonder why?

BTW, I have to say OMG! I absolutely ADORE the picture that you took of that lily. It is GORGEOUS!

And congrats on your 300th post. :)

womandriver said...

Love the photo you took. Beautiful. Just found your blog and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Sandy said...

Glad to see you post again. :)
Oh man have you been through some rough things lately, I know that my plans, goals etc vs. God's goals,plans etc is so hard to work through sometimes. I just wish He could send us an email with a clear message as to what we are to do. :) But since it doesn't work that way, I am always learning to lean more on those everlasting arms, and less on my 2 feet! :)
Thinking of you!
Hey, BTW, when is your Fresh Air boy coming this summer? Ours comes 4th of July weekend! :)

RabbleRowser said...

What can I add to this chorus of support that surrounds you? Just this: In the future, lay your gift/goal/idea at the feet of the Master in humility and, if he accepts it, he'll take it and bless you. If not, he won't. Either way, don't get too excited about the possibilities nor too sad about the obstacles. Stay focused and humble. God bless you - you are a true inspiration to the rest of the 'body!'