Each person should judge his own actions and not compare himself with others. Then he can be proud for what he himself has done. Galatians 6:4

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Thank You for all your "cheerup" Ideas .. I LOVE LOVE praise and Worship.. I LOVE music.. and if there were ever a gift that I WISHED God had given me.. it would have been the ability to sing perfectly.. Those that know me... KNOW that I sing everyday!! I can give you a song for ANYTHING at a drop of a hat.... that's the talent I was given.. *giggle giggle*

Well... my grumpiness.. sadly.. came back tonight... I was upset because my dishes were not properly done and I felt expected to clean up the rest... I was angry... and I shared my feelings with my children.....

Now... I wish I hadn't... not 20 seconds after my angered moment.. a friend of my daughters called me to talk... wanted a "moms" perspective... He wanted to talk to me because my beautiful daughter told him I was a SURVIVOR... The funny thing is.. this wasn't the FIRST time I heard this today!!

Today has been extremely emotional for me... Why? I'm not truly sure.. I believe the Lord is moving my heart in many directions.. Earlier today I was talking to a girl.. well I should say WOMAN that I grew up with since the age of 14....

Her words to me after having already talked 2 hours.. ( and believe it or not I HATE the phone) just out of the blue she tells me.. "Terri.. I don't know if I ever told you.. but I ADMIRE you.. I ADMIRE you so much.. You are a SURVIVOR... You have turned into a mother I only wish I could be.. you endured so many challenges, from a crappy home life, to a manipulative hard mother, to a teenage pregnancy that led you into being a unwed, single mom..to moving miles to go to college and you're daughter is beautiful and has a wonderful head on her shoulders...You are a beautiful woman"....

I MELTED....

This past year.. Kim can attest to this... I have felt lost.. I haven't been able to open that door that God has pushed slightly open.. for me... I feel like I have been running my palms on blank walls not able to find the cracks to slide my fingers under to pry the door open.. yet.. I can feel the breeze of the crack....

My Goal is to finish what God has started... I want to be a college student.. but most of my life I have been told I was never good enough... Why did I waste 34 years listening to another human? Why didn't I listen to the whispers from my only TRUE father.. Our Lord and Savior... It is only HE that I need to obey and impress.. no one else...

So even though my heart is heavy.. I'm positive I know what I have to do.. and I WILL do it...

Life can seem long... but In truth it's only a breath....

Even though growing up stunk for me.. and some of the things that followed.. It wasn't until I was 20 that I found Christ.. Thank You Jesus!!! I must always remember.. no matter how sad, how hurt, how lonely, how everything just feels bland and blah... There is always someone out there that has lost more than I have.. or has endured more than I have.... and I have to be thankful FOR EVERYTHING that has happened in my life.... because everything I have FACED has made me the Woman I am today...

I found this song... I had NOT heard it until today.. which is quite funny cause I LOVE music.. people LOVE playing music trivia games with me... I think God was waiting for a special moment for me to hear it.. Today I needed to hear it...
If you have NOT heard this song... grab a few tissues.. TRUST ME ON THIS!! Now go down and click off my Stellar Kart song.. and hit play.. close your eyes and listen... listen to every word as if each different person is talking to you!!! Tell me what you think?? I love how many songwriters are given this gift by God to express things better than I ever could!! Ok.. shhh.. go ahead.. and hit play!!!


7 comments:

Cris said...

(((((((((((((((Terri)))))))))))))))

That was a beatiful song. I love Brian Littrell.

You made me think of another song when you said you wondered why you spent 34 years listening to another human being instead of listening to the truth of your heavenly Father that I think you might like if you haven't heard it already (probably have) is "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns.

Mere said...

That is a GORGEOUS song! Almost made me cry. ITA with Cris....Voice of Truth is an awesome song!! Thank you for this post. You made me think...and I'm so proud of you for what you've accomplished and been through....

~Mere

Missy said...

I know I'm kinda repeating but that song by Casting Crowns is an awsome song, I hope everything is well. God Bless!

the real ~Roxann~ said...

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I know what you mean about feeling lost. As you know, by following my blog, I feel that way, too. We ARE SURVIVORS!!! No, stop those doubts and go out there and catch your dreams!!!!
{{{{{Terri}}}}}

Roxann

Linda said...

I appreciate you honest, sincere heart Terri. I have found Psalm 139 so helpful when I am feeling as though my life is not what I want it to be. It speaks of God writing the story of our lives before we were even born. That must mean that He can take everything that has gone before and all that we are right now and complete the story of our lives just as He intended it to be. I find it gives me great peace and hope.
Have a blessed weekend.

karin said...

thanks for sharing your feelings so honestly!
i made a page the other day for my niece, to tell her that we are all perfect, not as the world defines perfection, but perfectly created by a loving God!
take care
k
xx

TANYA said...

Just found your blog...by pressing "next blog" which I never do...glad I did. I'm looking forward to reading more on here and learning more about you.

I just restarted my blog after taking a break for a while. I deleted my other one...stupid!

Anyways...what a beautiful song, thanks for sharing it.

Keep looking up!